Lament and the Disciple

“I Don’t Like To Complain, But…”

The essential act of uncensored lament

Do you ever struggle to speak, even in prayer, about the things in life that have caused you grief? 

I recently ran a writers’ workshop using the Psalms as a kick-start for our own expression. As part of our time together, we looked at the complaining, angry Psalms and I invited the group to privately write their laments out to the Lord. 

Each participant quietly worked on their own Psalm, pouring out their frustration and heartbreak to God. When I asked how the experience had been for people, I was struck by one writer’s response: “I find it easy to praise God, but I really struggle to complain to him or get angry at him.”

It’s natural to ask ourselves, Do I dare speak to Jesus in this tone of voice?

So it’s a bit of a surprise to see that God actually invites our anger, grief, hatred, vengefulness and bitterness: He wants us to pour it all out to Him. And we can know this with confidence, because of the Psalms. 

The Psalms sit right in the middle of the Bible, a central point where we meet with God through our pain as well as our praise. The people who compiled the Bible chose 150 Psalms out of well over a thousand: the ones they chose are there for a reason. And a lot of them are ranting good and hard. 

They tell us that God doesn’t just want our happy thoughts. He wants us heart, soul, guts and grimy insides. He may not answer the things we ask for when we lament – but he wants us to pray honestly, without censorship or good manners. When David (yes, David! The one ‘after God’s own heart’) cries out in lament, asking God to “Strike all my enemies on the jaw: Break the teeth of the wicked.” in Psalm 3:7, there’s no evidence that God replied positively! But wasn’t it better for David to pour that out in prayer, rather than let it fester within him, or drive him to violent action? 

To pour our pain out to God is to approach him as our counsellor – which was always God’s plan for us. In Isaiah 9:6, Jesus’ birth is prophesied, and we are told that, “He will be called Wonderful Counsellor…”

The key to healthy lamenting is honesty without censorship: don’t gloss over uncomfortable emotions; let rip just like David did. God will bring you round to mercy as you pray honestly – this is the work of the Holy Spirit. But in order to shape us from the inside out, God needs us to be plain-speaking with him.

Perhaps life is not going the way you planned; maybe you’re watching others apparently succeed where you feel you are failing; perhaps things you felt certain of have been stripped away and left you wounded… 

When we lament, we peel away a layer of ourselves before God. We express the inner pain that makes our relationship with God deeply authentic. And we allow God to act, because we’re acknowledging that we can’t heal these pains through our own strength. In our weakness, he can embrace us with his mercy and amaze us with his unconditional, wild, tender love for us.  

Try This: What do you have to lament over? Write it out of your system in the form of a Psalm. If you’re fed up, angry, grieving, ill-treated or hurt – pour it onto the page. No one ever needs to read it – it’s just between you and your wonderful counsellor.

Reading resources: 

Tom Wright Finding God In The Psalms 

C.S.Lewis Reflections On The Psalms

Anne Lamott Stitches

Mike Yaconelli Messy Spirituality